Love and a Question
by Robert Frost
A Stranger came to the door at eve,
And he spoke the bridegroom fair.
He bore a green-white stick in his hand,
And, for all burden, care.
He asked with the eyes more than the lips
For a shelter for the night,
And he turned and looked at the road afar
Without a window light.
The bridegroom came forth into the porch
With, ‘Let us look at the sky,
And question what of the night to be,
Stranger, you and I.’
The woodbine leaves littered the yard,
The woodbine berries were blue,
Autumn, yes, winter was in the wind;
‘Stranger, I wish I knew.’
Within, the bride in the dusk alone
Bent over the open fire,
Her face rose-red with the glowing coal
And the thought of the heart’s desire.
The bridegroom looked at the weary road,
Yet saw but her within,
And wished her heart in a case of gold
And pinned with a silver pin.
The bridegroom thought it little to give
A dole of bread, a purse,
A heartfelt prayer for the poor of God,
Or for the rich a curse;
But whether or not a man was asked
To mar the love of two
By harboring woe in the bridal house,
The bridegroom wished he knew.
This is a wonderful poem. It presents a great dilemma: the bridegroom wants to be with the one he loves, his bride, and she is all he thinks about. But a traveler is in need and the bridegroom is not an insensitive person. He believes in helping others – but not at this particular time!
It’s really a reflection on different types of love, moral/ethical duty, the somewhat exclusive love of romance and eros versus brotherly love for a stranger in need. Very thought-provoking. TFS!
I agree with your analysis, and yet, I feel conflicted with the dilemma that the bridegroom faces. When does personal gratification trump service and hospitality? Should it? And if so, when?
In this case, we have incomplete information: is the stranger in danger, is he ill, is his destination a very far one, has he already traveled very far — implying of course, that he must be very weary, does he look like a threat to them? While we do not know all that, we do know that he asks for help, but seems to not wish to impose since he asks more with his eyes than his lips. We also know he needs to rest tonight, or else he would not have even stopped. And finally, we know that it will be a cold night since winter is around the corner.
While I can sympathize with the bridegroom and his bride — who we know is already anticipating the loving embrace of her husband — are we not safe to assume that this will be one of many such nights of love and companionship that the two will face over the course of their lifetimes?
In which case, must not moral/ethical duty to offer aid and comfort to a stranger in need trump their immediate desires? I would say yes.
A person who chooses to help only when he wishes to is not the ideal Good Samaritan. And I would wish to remind both bride and bridegroom that many have entertained angels unawares by showing kindness to strangers.
We are left to wonder if he did in fact, let the stranger in, and this of course, does not detract from the beauty of the poem, and if anything, causes one to reflect on “different types of love, moral/ethical duty, the somewhat exclusive love of romance and eros versus brotherly love for a stranger in need” as you so ably put it.
Thank you for engaging me on this piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Outstanding analysis! You make very compelling points and I basically agree on all them.
We all make compromises. If we didn’t, we’d be living a life of radical giving, something like Francis of Assisi. Everything we had would be shared with others unconditionally.
But… almost no one actually lives that way. We all live with certain levels of “selfishness” (a word I put very much in quotes): owning a home, having a spouse and children, keeping possessions. We all agree there is nothing wrong with this. It is not really selfishness.
In that poem, in that singular moment boiled down to its essentials, it does look a bit like selfishness or lack of charity. If that bridegroom sends the stranger on his way it does look like a self-centered act; or at least one that’s focused only on the immediate good for the bridegroom and his bride in the short term. As you point out, they will have many nights of love and companionship over the course of their shared life. What is one night of hospitality for a stranger going to cost them in the long run?
Looking at the big picture though, if they do welcome the stranger that night, what happens the next night? Will another stranger come, having learned of their hospitality? And every night after that will travelers knock on their door expecting to be welcomed? And if the couple welcomes strangers every night what effect will this have on their shared life? Maybe this radical hospitality will be a great thing – I’ve known couples who’ve opened Catholic Worker houses (welcoming guests like homeless people unconditionally) and have had long, satisfying marriages.
All of us have to draw the line somewhere between taking care of our own needs and those of our loved ones versus taking care of the community, the stranger, the person in need. Some people draw the circle wide around their family and some wide around the stranger. I think it’s an extremely important question and one that our faith tradition, especially the gospels, has a lot to say about.
Thank you for putting these issues into even clearer perspective — it has truly helped me understand the points better!
You’re right, there is a possibility that this could be a slippery slope — the concept of endless hospitality, perhaps even to the detriment of the marriage of this couple, but then again, it might bind them together stronger. One never knows until one is in that situation(s).
Lovely, that we really don’t know what the Bridegroom actually did do!