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Laughs on a Friday Night (Because the Week Wasn't Funny Enough!)

At the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase on 7/14/2012.

Annarborcomedyshowcase

 

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"Things fall apart, the centre cannot hold"

The Second Coming by William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.

The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at laSt,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Centrecannothold

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That’s Not My Phone, It’s My Tracker

That’s No Phone. That’s My Tracker.

THE device in your purse or jeans that you think is a cellphone — guess again. It is a tracking device that happens to make calls. Let’s stop calling them phones. They are trackers.

Most doubts about the principal function of these devices were erased when it was recently disclosed that cellphone carriers responded 1.3 million times last year to law enforcement requests for call data. That’s not even a complete count, because T-Mobile, one of the largest carriers, refused to reveal its numbers. It appears that millions of cellphone users have been swept up in government surveillance of their calls and where they made them from. Many police agencies don’t obtain search warrants when requesting location data from carriers.

Thanks to the explosion of GPS technology and smartphone apps, these devices are also taking note of what we buy, where and when we buy it, how much money we have in the bank, whom we text and e-mail, what Web sites we visit, how and where we travel, what time we go to sleep and wake up — and more. Much of that data is shared with companies that use it to offer us services they think we want.

We have all heard about the wonders of frictionless sharing, whereby social networks automatically let our friends know what we are reading or listening to, but what we hear less about is frictionless surveillance. Though we invite some tracking — think of our mapping requests as we try to find a restaurant in a strange part of town — much of it is done without our awareness.

“Every year, private companies spend millions of dollars developing new services that track, store and share the words, movements and even the thoughts of their customers,” writes Paul Ohm, a law professor at the University of Colorado. “These invasive services have proved irresistible to consumers, and millions now own sophisticated tracking devices (smartphones) studded with sensors and always connected to the Internet.”

Mr. Ohm labels them tracking devices. So does Jacob Appelbaum, a developer and spokesman for the Tor project, which allows users to browse the Web anonymously. Scholars have called them minicomputers and robots. Everyone is struggling to find the right tag, because “cellphone” and “smartphone” are inadequate. This is not a semantic game. Names matter, quite a bit. In politics and advertising, framing is regarded as essential because what you call something influences what you think about it. That’s why there are battles over the tags “Obamacare” and “death panels.”

In just the past few years, cellphone companies have honed their geographic technology, which has become almost pinpoint. The surveillance and privacy implications are quite simple. If someone knows exactly where you are, they probably know what you are doing. Cellular systems constantly check and record the location of all phones on their networks — and this data is particularly treasured by police departments and online advertisers. Cell companies typically retain your geographic information for a year or longer, according to data gathered by the Justice Department.

What’s the harm? The United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, ruling about the use of tracking devices by the police, noted that GPS data can reveal whether a person “is a weekly church goer, a heavy drinker, a regular at the gym, an unfaithful husband, an outpatient receiving medical treatment, an associate of particular individuals or political groups — and not just one such fact about a person, but all such facts.” Even the most gregarious of sharers might not reveal all that on Facebook.

There is an even more fascinating and diabolical element to what can be done with location information. New research suggests that by cross-referencing your geographical data with that of your friends, it’s possible to predict your future whereabouts with a much higher degree of accuracy.

This is what’s known as predictive modeling, and it requires nothing more than your cellphone data.

If we are naïve to think of them as phones, what should we call them? Eben Moglen, a law professor at Columbia University, argues that they are robots for which we — the proud owners — are merely the hands and feet. “They see everything, they’re aware of our position, our relationship to other human beings and other robots, they mediate an information stream around us,” he has said. Over time, we’ve used these devices less for their original purpose. A recent survey by O2, a British cell carrier, showed that making calls is the fifth-most-popular activity for smartphones; more popular uses are Web browsing, checking social networks, playing games and listening to music. Smartphones are taking over the functions that laptops, cameras, credit cards and watches once performed for us.

If you want to avoid some surveillance, the best option is to use cash for prepaid cellphones that do not require identification. The phones transmit location information to the cell carrier and keep track of the numbers you call, but they are not connected to you by name. Destroy the phone or just drop it into a trash bin, and its data cannot be tied to you. These cellphones, known as burners, are the threads that connect privacy activists, Burmese dissidents and coke dealers.

Prepaids are a hassle, though. What can the rest of us do? Leaving your smartphone at home will help, but then what’s the point of having it? Turning it off when you’re not using it will also help, because it will cease pinging your location to the cell company, but are you really going to do that? Shutting it down does not even guarantee it’s off — malware can keep it on without your realizing it. The only way to be sure is to take out the battery. Guess what? If you have an iPhone, you will need a tiny screwdriver to remove the back cover. Doing that will void your warranty.

Matt Blaze, a professor of computer and information science at the University of Pennsylvania, has written extensively about these issues and believes we are confronted with two choices: “Don’t have a cellphone or just accept that you’re living in the Panopticon.”

There is another option. People could call them trackers. It’s a neutral term, because it covers positive activities — monitoring appointments, bank balances, friends — and problematic ones, like the government and advertisers watching us.

We can love or hate these devices — or love and hate them — but it would make sense to call them what they are so we can fully understand what they do.

Peter Maass and Megha Rajagopalan are reporters on digital privacy for ProPublica, the nonprofit investigative newsroom.

Iphone-mockup

 

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On This Day: July 15

Updated July 14, 2012, 2:28 pm

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On July 15, 1918, the Second Battle of the Marne began during World War I.

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On July 15, 1919, Dame Iris Murdoch, the British writer and philosopher, was born. Following her death on Feb. 8, 1999, her obituary appeared in The Times.

Go to obituary » | Other birthdays »

On This Date

By The Associated Press

1606 The painter Rembrandt was born in Leiden, Netherlands.
1870 Georgia became the last of the Confederate states to be readmitted to the Union.
1964 Sen. Barry Goldwater of Arizona was nominated for president at the Republican National Convention in San Francisco.
1971 President Richard Nixon announced he would visit the People’s Republic of China.
1979 President Jimmy Carter delivered a speech in which he lamented what he called a “crisis of confidence” in America. Though he didn’t use the word, it became known as the “malaise” speech.
1992 Arkansas Gov. Bill Clinton claimed the Democratic presidential nomination at the party’s convention in New York City.
1996 MSNBC, a 24-hour all-news network, made its debut on cable TV and the Internet.
1997 Fashion designer Gianni Versace was shot to death outside his home in Miami; suspected gunman Andrew Phillip Cunanan was found dead eight days later.
2002 John Walker Lindh, an American who had fought alongside the Taliban in Afghanistan, pleaded guilty to two felonies in a deal sparing him life in prison.
2002 A Pakistani judge convicted four Islamic militants in the kidnap-slaying of Wall Street Journal correspondent Daniel Pearl.
2007 The Roman Catholic archdiocese of Los Angeles announced it was settling clergy sex-abuse cases for $660 million.
2007 The Philadelphia Phillies lost for the 10,000th time in franchise history, a 10-2 defeat at the hands of the visiting St. Louis Cardinals.
2010 BP stopped the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico after 85 days using a 75-ton cap lowered onto the well earlier in the week.
2011 Rupert Murdoch accepted the resignation of The Wall Street Journal’s publisher, Les Hinton, and the chief of his British operations, Rebekah Brooks, as the once-defiant media mogul struggled to control an escalating phone hacking scandal.
2011 Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced they were breaking up after seven years of marriage.

Current Birthdays

By The Associated Press

Diane Kruger, Actress

Actress Diane Kruger turns 36 years old today.

AP Photo/Lionel Cironneau

Arianna Huffington, The Huffington Post editor-in-chief

The Huffington Post editor-in-chief Arianna Huffington turns 62 years old today.

AP Photo/Evan Agostini

1935 Alex Karras, Actor, turns 77
1936 George Voinovich, Former Ohio governor, U.S. senator, turns 76
1939 Patrick Wayne, Actor, turns 73
1944 Millie Jackson, R&B singer, turns 68
1944 Jan-Michael Vincent, Actor, turns 68
1946 Linda Ronstadt, Singer, turns 66
1948 Artimus Pyle, Rock musician (Lynyrd Skynyrd), turns 64
1952 Terry O’Quinn, Actor (“Lost”), turns 60
1952 Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, U.S. House Foreign Affairs Committee chairwoman, R-Fla., turns 60
1952 John Stallworth, Football Hall of Famer, turns 60
1956 Joe Satriani, Rock musician, turns 56
1960 Kim Alexis, Model, turns 52
1960 Willie Aames, Actor (“Eight is Enough”), turns 52
1961 Lolita Davidovich, Actress, turns 51
1961 Forest Whitaker, Actor, turns 51
1963 Brigitte Nielsen, Actress, turns 49
1968 Eddie Griffin, Actor, comedian, turns 44
1972 Scott Foley, Actor (“The Unit,” “Felicity”), turns 40
1973 Brian Austin Green, Actor (“Beverly Hills 90210”), turns 39

Historic Birthdays

Dame Iris Murdoch 7/15/1919 – 2/8/1999 British novelist and philosopher.Go to obituary »
78 Inigo Jones 7/15/1573 – 6/21/1652
English architect, painter and designer
63 Rembrandt Van Rijn 7/15/1606 – 10/4/1669
Dutch painter, draftsman and etcher
83 Clement Moore 7/15/1779 – 7/10/1863
American scholar; wrote “The Night Before Christmas”
73 Sir Henry Cole 7/15/1808 – 4/18/1882
English art patron and educator
67 Mother Cabrini 7/15/1850 – 12/22/1917
Italian-born American founder of the Missionary Sisters of the Sacred Heart; canonized in 1946
57 Alfred Northcliffe 7/15/1865 – 8/14/1922
English newspaper publisher
38 Jacques Riviere 7/15/1886 – 2/14/1925
French writer, critic and editor
69 Thomas Francis, Jr. 7/15/1900 – 10/1/1969
American microbiologist and epidemiologist
62 Philly Joe Jones 7/15/1923 – 8/30/1985
American jazz percussionist