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Mind Your Manners – Eat With Your Hands (if you're Indian, that doesn't mean communal eating!)

By SARAH DiGREGORIO

JULIE SAHNI vividly remembers the first time she had to eat with utensils. Ms. Sahni, a New York-based cookbook author and cooking teacher, grew up in India eating the traditional way, with her right hand. Then, in college, she won a dance competition that would take her to Europe. How, she wondered, would she eat?

The answer was a three-day immersion course in Western dining etiquette, which progressed from soup (don’t let the spoon clatter on the bowl) to green beans (spear them without sending them into your neighbor’s lap) and finally a slippery hard-boiled egg. Ms. Sahni, 66, mastered the knife and fork, but she has never really liked them.

“Eating with the hands evokes great emotion,” she said. “It kindles something very warm and gentle and caressing. Using a fork is unthinkable in traditional Indian eating. It is almost like a weapon.”

Eating with the hands is common in many areas of the world, including parts of Asia and much of Africa and the Middle East. But until recently, you would have been hard-pressed to find many restaurants in the United States — especially those with $20 or $30 entrees — where digging in manually was encouraged. Now, several high-profile chefs are asking diners to get their hands dirty, in the belief that it heightens the sensual connection to food and softens the formality of fine dining.

When the chef Roy Choi surveys the busy dining room of A-Frame, his restaurant in Culver City, Calif., only one thing can dampen his mood: cutlery. “I see people cutting kalbi ribs like a steak, and it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard,” he said.

A-Frame, whose eclectic menu Mr. Choi says was inspired by Hawaiian cuisine, is utensils optional. Though a basket of silverware is provided at each table, when the grilled pork chop or market salad arrives, servers advise customers that they’ll be missing out if they pick up a fork. “Then there are a lot of questions like ‘Am I really supposed to?’ and ‘Is there something else I need?’ ” Mr. Choi said. “But the moment we answer ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ people usually just go for it.”

He had thought he might have to provide finger bowls, as many restaurants do in other countries, but hands-on eating proved to be much neater than expected. “You eat with conviction and passion when using your hands,” Mr. Choi said. “I hope that people let their guard down and throw out some of the rules we have regarding etiquette and connect like animals.”

Etiquette, as a matter of fact, is central to most traditions of hand-to-mouth eating; the artfulness and ritual of the practice is part of what people love about it. Hand-washing often comes first. In Muslim communities, a prayer of thanks comes next. Only then can one reach in — usually with just the right hand — to eat.

And dining with the hands is not necessarily easy: in some regions, including parts of India, it is most polite to use your thumb, pointer and middle finger, and to let only the first two joints of those fingers touch the food.

Details differ from place to place, but often rice or flatbread is used to ferry food to the mouth — think of Indian roti and naan, Ethiopian injera or Middle Eastern pita. Central and Southern Africans pound root vegetables or corn into starchy mashes like fufu or ugali; you’re meant to pull off a bite-size ball and use it as an edible scoop.

Ms. Sahni refuses to eat Indian food with a knife and fork, even in the most formal South Asian restaurants in New York. “I don’t care if I’m all dressed up, if everyone else is eating with a knife and fork, if the wine pairing is $80,” she said. “It’s essential.”

When she reaches in with her right hand, others are often happy to follow suit. But it wasn’t always that way. She remembers an Indian restaurant in Manhattan that, in the 1970s, had unofficial sections for Indians and non-Indians. She says the owners explained that Indians didn’t want non-Indians to see them eating with their hands and that Westerners didn’t want to see it, either.

Today, the writer Amitav Ghosh says he doesn’t go to Indian restaurants in London and New York because eating with hands is discouraged. “They regard this essential aspect of the cuisine with a kind of embarrassment,” he said.

In the United States, most run-of-the-mill restaurants, with the exception of Ethiopian spots, do not forbid the practice, but do not encourage it, either.

One Manhattan restaurant that does encourage it is Tulsi, Hemant Mathur’s upscale Indian outpost in Midtown. Upon delivering dishes like goat curry with roti or stewed chickpeas with puffy bread, servers tell patrons they are best eaten with the hands.

At the New York restaurants Fatty Crab and Fatty ’Cue, the chef, Zakary Pelaccio, provides silverware but hopes that the nature of his signature dishes, like chili crab and barbecue, will inspire diners to use their hands. Convinced that the sense of touch is integral to good eating, he eats just about everything except soup with his hands. He even named his new cookbook after the practice: “Eat With Your Hands,” to be released in April. “I eat with my hands today, and not just because it would be a serious shame to let utensils slow me down,” Mr. Pelaccio writes. “It has become a sort of philosophy of mine — a metaphor for life.”

In Los Angeles, Bistronomics, a long-running pop-up restaurant inside Breadbar, presented a no-utensils menu last spring. The $65 prix fixe, created by the chefs Jet Tila and Alex Ageneau, included dishes like salt cod croquettes with zucchini purée and grilled lamb chops with carrot confit. The chefs plan another dinner like it this spring.

“It creates more of a social atmosphere,” said Mr. Tila, who grew up in Hollywood. “It brings us back to our childhood, and it seems to lighten the mood in the room.”

A glimmer of this idea has even made it to the White House. When the New York chef Marcus Samuelsson prepared the state dinner for India’s prime minister in 2009, he included a bread course (unusual at such events) of naan and corn bread with dips. “What could be better than for people who don’t know each other, from all over the world, to break bread together?” he said.

In fact, Mr. Samuelsson expects that as American fine dining evolves, flatware may become more and more optional. “I think there will be a four-star restaurant where knives and forks are used, but not for every course,” he said. “ ‘Great’ does not have to mean one narrative, the European narrative.”

Eatingwhands

 

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It's Still the 'Age of Anxiety.' Or Is It?

It’s Still the ‘Age of Anxiety.’ Or Is It?

Anxiety

Anxiety: We worry. A gallery of contributors count the ways.

It’s hard to believe that anyone but scholars of modern literature or paid critics have read W.H. Auden’s dramatic poem “The Age of Anxiety” all the way through, even though it won a Pulitzer Prize in 1948, the year after it was published. It is a difficult work — allusive, allegorical, at times surreal. But more to the point, it’s boring. The characters meet, drink, talk and walk around; then they drink, talk and walk around some more. They do this for 138 pages; then they go home.

From a sufferer’s perspective, anxiety is not epochal. It is always and absolutely personal.

Auden’s title, though: that people know. From the moment it appeared, the phrase has been used to characterize the consciousness of our era, the awareness of everything perilous about the modern world: the degradation of the environment, nuclear energy, religious fundamentalism, threats to privacy and the family, drugs, pornography, violence, terrorism. Since 1990, it has appeared in the title or subtitle of at least two dozen books on subjects ranging from science to politics to parenting to sex (“Mindblowing Sex in the Real World: Hot Tips for Doing It in the Age of Anxiety”). As a sticker on the bumper of the Western world, “the age of anxiety” has been ubiquitous for more than six decades now.

But is it accurate? As someone who has struggled with chronic anxiety for many years, I have my doubts. For one thing, when you’ve endured anxiety’s insults for long enough — the gnawed fingernails and sweat-drenched underarms, the hyperventilating and crippling panic attacks — calling the 20th century “The Age of Anxiety” starts to sound like calling the 17th century “The Age of the Throbbing Migraine”: so metaphorical as to be meaningless.

From a sufferer’s perspective, anxiety is always and absolutely personal. It is an experience: a coloration in the way one thinks, feels and acts. It is a petty monster able to work such humdrum tricks as paralyzing you over your salad, convincing you that a choice between blue cheese and vinaigrette is as dire as that between life and death. When you are on intimate terms with something so monumentally subjective, it is hard to think in terms of epochs.

And yet it is undeniable that ours is an age in which an enormous and growing number of people suffer from anxiety. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, anxiety disorders now affect 18 percent of the adult population of the United States, or about 40 million people. By comparison, mood disorders — depression and bipolar illness, primarily — affect 9.5 percent. That makes anxiety the most common psychiatric complaint by a wide margin, and one for which we are increasingly well-medicated. Last spring, the drug research firm IMS Health released its annual report on pharmaceutical use in the United States. The anti-anxiety drug alprazolam — better known by its brand name, Xanax — was the top psychiatric drug on the list, clocking in at 46.3 million prescriptions in 2010.

Just because our anxiety is heavily diagnosed and medicated, however, doesn’t mean that we are more anxious than our forebears. It might simply mean that we are better treated — that we are, as individuals and a culture, more cognizant of the mind’s tendency to spin out of control.

Earlier eras might have been even more jittery than ours. Fourteenth-century Europe, for example, experienced devastating famines, waves of pillaging mercenaries, peasant revolts, religious turmoil and a plague that wiped out as much as half the population in four years. The evidence suggests that all this resulted in mass convulsions of anxiety, a period of psychic torment in which, as one historian has put it, “the more one knew, the less sense the world made.” Nor did the monolithic presence of the Church necessarily help; it might even have made things worse. A firm belief in God and heaven was near-universal, but so was a firm belief in their opposites: the Devil and hell. And you could never be certain in which direction you were headed.

It’s hard to imagine that we have it even close to as bad as that. Yet there is an aspect of anxiety that we clearly have more of than ever before: self-awareness. The inhabitants of earlier eras might have been wracked by nerves, but none fixated like we do on the condition. Indeed, none even considered anxiety a condition. Anxiety didn’t emerge as a cohesive psychiatric concept until the early 20th century, when Freud highlighted it as “the nodal point at which the most various and important questions converge, a riddle whose solution would be bound to throw a flood of light upon our whole mental existence.”

After that, the number of thinkers and artists who sought to solve this riddle increased exponentially. By 1977, the psychoanalyst Rollo May was noting an explosion in papers, books and studies on the subject. “Anxiety,” he wrote, “has certainly come out of the dimness of the professional office into the bright light of the marketplace.”

None of this is to say that ours is a serene age. Obviously it isn’t. It is to say, however, that we shouldn’t be possessive about our uncertainties, particularly as one of the dominant features of anxiety is its recursiveness. Anxiety begins with a single worry, and the more you concentrate on that worry, the more powerful it gets, and the more you worry. One of the best things you can do is learn to let go: to disempower the worry altogether. If you start to believe that anxiety is a foregone conclusion — if you start to believe the hype about the times we live in — then you risk surrendering the battle before it’s begun.

To receive immediate updates and new posts subscribe to the Anxiety RSS feed.

Daniel Smith

Daniel Smith is the author of the forthcoming book “Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety” (Simon & Schuster, July 2012). His work has appeared in The Atlantic, Granta, n+1, New York, The New York Times Magazine and elsewhere. He writes regularly about anxiety at his Web site, The Monkey Mind Chronicles.

This post has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: January 15, 2012

An opinion essay on Jan. 15 about the prevalence of anxiety disorders erroneously attributed a distinction to the anti-anxiety drug alprazolam, or Xanax. It was the only psychiatric medication among the top 15 — not the top 25 — prescription drugs in the United States in 2010. A summary accompanying the article also referred incorrectly to Xanax. It was prescribed 46.3 million times in the United States in 2010, as the article correctly noted — not to 46 million people.

Anxiety-tmagarticle

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On This Day: January 18

Updated January 17, 2012, 1:28 pm

NYT Front Page

On Jan. 18, 1912, English explorer Robert F. Scott and his expedition reached the South Pole, only to discover that Roald Amundsen had gotten there first.

Go to article »

On Jan. 18, 1854, Thomas Watson, the American telephone pioneer and shipbuilder, was born. Following his death on Dec. 13, 1934, his obituary appeared in The Times.

Go to obituary » | Other birthdays »

 

On This Date

By The Associated Press
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook became the first European to reach the Hawaiian Islands.
1782 Lawyer and statesman Daniel Webster was born in Salisbury, N.H.
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia’s Botany Bay to establish a penal colony.
1862 John Tyler, the 10th president of the United States, died in Richmond, Va., at age 71.
1871 William I of Prussia was proclaimed German emperor in Versailles, France.
1892 Oliver Hardy of the comedy team Laurel and Hardy was born Norvell Hardy in Harlem, Ga.
1904 Actor Cary Grant was born Archibald Leach in Bristol, England.
1911 The first landing of an aircraft on a ship took place as pilot Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor.
1943 The Soviets announced that they had broken the long Nazi siege of Leningrad.
1990 Washington, D.C., Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession in an FBI sting.
1991 Financially strapped Eastern Airlines shut down after more than six decades in business.
1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50 states for the first time.
2005 The world’s largest commercial jet, an Airbus A380 that can carry 800 passengers, was unveiled in Toulouse, France.
2011 The first director of the Peace Corps, R. Sargent Shriver, died at age 95.

Current Birthdays

By The Associated Press
Jason Segel, Actor (“How I Met Your Mother”)

Actor Jason Segel (“How I Met Your Mother”) turns 32 years old today.

AP Photo/Peter Kramer

Kevin Costner, Actor

Actor Kevin Costner turns 57 years old today.

AP Photo/Phil Klein

1941 Bobby Goldsboro, Singer, songwriter, turns 71
1961 Mark Messier, Hockey Hall of Famer, turns 51
1963 Martin O’Malley, Governor of Maryland, turns 49
1965 Dave Attell, Comedian, turns 47
1969 Jesse L. Martin, Actor (“Law & Order”), turns 43

 

Historic Birthdays

Thomas Watson 1/18/1854 – 12/13/1934 American telephone pioneer/shipbuilder.Go to obituary »
70 Daniel Webster 1/18/1782 – 10/24/1852
American orator/politician
93 Joseph Glidden 1/18/1813 – 10/9/1906
American inventor
66 Seth Low 1/18/1850 – 9/17/1916
American philanthropist/educator
66 Oliver Hardy 1/18/1892 – 8/7/1957
American comic movie actor
73 Daniel Hale Williams 1/18/1858 – 8/4/1931
American physician
62 Hans Goldschmidt 1/18/1861 – 5/25/1923
German chemist
85 Myron Taylor 1/18/1874 – 5/6/1959
American financier/diplomat
74 A.A. Milne 1/18/1882 – 1/31/1956
English humorist
101 Sir Thomas Sopwith 1/18/1888 – 1/27/1989
English WW1 aircraft designer
82 Cary Grant 1/18/1904 – 11/29/1986
English/American actor
74 Danny Kaye 1/18/1913 – 3/3/1987
American actor/comedian

 

 

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281/365/01

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