November 19, 2012 – Smriti "Simmi" D. Isaac

Forget Newton and Galileo.

Here are the real laws of nature:

1.Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability– The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.Supermarket Law – As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument– Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy –As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law– If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

Updated November 18, 2012, 1:28 pm

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On Nov. 19, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysburg Address as he dedicated a national cemetery at the site of the Civil War battlefield in Pennsylvania.

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On Nov. 19, 1917, Indira Gandhi, the former prime minister of India who served four terms over 15 years, was born. Following her death on Oct. 31, 1984, her obituary appeared in The Times.

Go to obituary » | Other birthdays »

On This Date

By The Associated Press

1831 James A. Garfield, the 20th president of the United States, was born in Orange, Ohio.

1917 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was born in Allahabad.

1919 The Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles.

1942 Russian forces launched a winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front during World War II.

1959 Ford Motor Co. announced it was halting production of the unpopular Edsel.

1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles “Pete” Conrad and Alan Bean made man’s second landing on the moon.

1977 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to visit Israel.

1985 President Ronald Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev met for the first time as they began a summit in Geneva.

1990 The pop duo Milli Vanilli was stripped of its Grammy Award after it was revealed that neither performer sang on the group’s records.

1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr laid out his evidence against President Bill Clinton during a daylong appearance before the House Judiciary Committee.

2001 President George W. Bush signed legislation to put airport baggage screeners on the federal payroll.

2001 Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants became the first baseball player to win four Most Valuable Player awards.

2006 The Wii, the Nintendo Co.’s game console, first went on sale.

2007 Amazon.com Inc. introduced the Kindle, an electronic book-reading device.

Current Birthdays

By The Associated Press

Actress Jodie Foster turns 50 years old today.

AP Photo/Dan Steinberg

Broadcast journalist Ann Curry (“Today”) turns 56 years old today.

AP Photo/Evan Agostini

1919 Alan Young, Actor (“Mister Ed”), turns 93

1933 Larry King, Talk show host, turns 79

1936 Dick Cavett, Talk show host, turns 76

1938 Ted Turner, Broadcasting and sports mogul, turns 74

1939 Tom Harkin, U.S. senator, D-Iowa, turns 73

1939 Garrick Utley, Broadcast journalist, turns 73

1941 Tommy Thompson, Former cabinet member, Wisconsin governor, turns 71

1942 Calvin Klein, Fashion designer, turns 70

1949 Ahmad Rashad, Football player, sportscaster, turns 63

1955 Glynnis O’Connor, Actress, turns 57

1959 Allison Janney, Actress (“The West Wing”), turns 53

1961 Meg Ryan, Actress, turns 51

1966 Rocco DiSpirito, TV chef, turns 46

1979 Ryan Howard, Baseball player, turns 33

Historic Birthdays

Indira Gandhi 11/19/1917 – 10/31/1984 Indian prime minister (1966-77; 1980-4).Go to obituary »

48 Charles I 11/19/1600 – 1/30/1649
English king (1625-49)

53 Mikhail Lomonosov 11/19/1711 – 4/15/1765
Russian scientist and poet

89 Ferdinand Lesseps 11/19/1805 – 12/7/1894
French diplomat

49 James Garfield 11/19/1831 – 9/19/1881
20th president of the United States (1881)

52 Richard Avenarius 11/19/1843 – 11/18/1896
German philosopher

72 Billy Sunday 11/19/1862 – 11/6/1935
American evangelist

79 Allen Tate 11/19/1899 – 2/9/1979
American poet and literary critic

66 Nathan Leopold 11/19/1904 – 8/29/1971
American murderer

51 Tommy Dorsey 11/19/1905 – 11/26/1956
American band leader

71 Roy Campanella 11/19/1921 – 6/26/1993
American baseball player

1831	James A. Garfield, the 20th president of the United States, was born in Orange, Ohio.
1917	Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was born in Allahabad.
1919	The Senate rejected the Treaty of Versailles.
1942	Russian forces launched a winter offensive against the Germans along the Don front during World War II.
1959	Ford Motor Co. announced it was halting production of the unpopular Edsel.
1969	Apollo 12 astronauts Charles “Pete” Conrad and Alan Bean made man’s second landing on the moon.
1977	Egyptian President Anwar Sadat became the first Arab leader to visit Israel.
1985	President Ronald Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev met for the first time as they began a summit in Geneva.
1990	The pop duo Milli Vanilli was stripped of its Grammy Award after it was revealed that neither performer sang on the group’s records.
1998	Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr laid out his evidence against President Bill Clinton during a daylong appearance before the House Judiciary Committee.
2001	President George W. Bush signed legislation to put airport baggage screeners on the federal payroll.
2001	Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants became the first baseball player to win four Most Valuable Player awards.
2006	The Wii, the Nintendo Co.’s game console, first went on sale.
2007	Amazon.com Inc. introduced the Kindle, an electronic book-reading device.

1919	Alan Young, Actor (“Mister Ed”), turns 93
1933	Larry King, Talk show host, turns 79
1936	Dick Cavett, Talk show host, turns 76
1938	Ted Turner, Broadcasting and sports mogul, turns 74
1939	Tom Harkin, U.S. senator, D-Iowa, turns 73
1939	Garrick Utley, Broadcast journalist, turns 73
1941	Tommy Thompson, Former cabinet member, Wisconsin governor, turns 71
1942	Calvin Klein, Fashion designer, turns 70
1949	Ahmad Rashad, Football player, sportscaster, turns 63
1955	Glynnis O’Connor, Actress, turns 57
1959	Allison Janney, Actress (“The West Wing”), turns 53
1961	Meg Ryan, Actress, turns 51
1966	Rocco DiSpirito, TV chef, turns 46
1979	Ryan Howard, Baseball player, turns 33

48	Charles I 11/19/1600 – 1/30/1649 English king (1625-49)
53	Mikhail Lomonosov 11/19/1711 – 4/15/1765 Russian scientist and poet
89	Ferdinand Lesseps 11/19/1805 – 12/7/1894 French diplomat
49	James Garfield 11/19/1831 – 9/19/1881 20th president of the United States (1881)
52	Richard Avenarius 11/19/1843 – 11/18/1896 German philosopher
72	Billy Sunday 11/19/1862 – 11/6/1935 American evangelist
79	Allen Tate 11/19/1899 – 2/9/1979 American poet and literary critic
66	Nathan Leopold 11/19/1904 – 8/29/1971 American murderer
51	Tommy Dorsey 11/19/1905 – 11/26/1956 American band leader
71	Roy Campanella 11/19/1921 – 6/26/1993 American baseball player